thehighwayphantom:

sibyllic:

#we all pledge allegiance to Beyonce

Check out old mate he’s like ‘I pledge allegiance to dat ass’ 

thehighwayphantom:

sibyllic:

#we all pledge allegiance to Beyonce

Check out old mate he’s like ‘I pledge allegiance to dat ass’ 

yesings:

what if i died in like twenty years and all i left my girlfriend was a box and like she gasps and reaches down to her chest where her key necklace hangs that i gave her twenty two years ago, and she uses it to unlock the box and all that is in there is a string which you can pull to reveal an embarrassing photo of spongebob at the christmas party

guiseofgentlewords:

my father told me once to never date anyone who talks smoothly around you from the start because if someone likes you they should be a little nervous and honestly i think that’s some of the best advice anyone has ever given me

diancie:

Why do we gotta die? Like I want to live forever but I want to keep the look I have now. I don’t wanna live forever and be old and dusty. I want to be young, cute, and 86,394 years old.

dildorrito:

what’s the password

dildorrito:

what’s the password

b-londer:

can we talk about jennifer anistons outfit here

b-londer:

can we talk about jennifer anistons outfit here

weavemunchers:

if you hold an empty gatorade bottle up to your ear you can hear the sports

tfw when high and at a family reunion
great aunt i've never heard of: oh my god i haven't seen you in so long!!! you look like you've grown a foot!
me: where
werewof:

me owning the kangaroos at the zoo

werewof:

me owning the kangaroos at the zoo

I feel too ill to go to work wah